Another year zoomed by. Without noticing, we are already at the end of October, and soon the festive season will be here, celebrating the year with joy.
Personally, I had no achievement this year. Life tumbled down, and crash onto the floor, hard and loud. It is generally a sad sad year. No improvement, no progression. All here, lieing down, watching the sea, come and go.
With vodka on the rock, peanuts, a cigarette between fingers, and a book, i end my sorrow. The vodka numb my sense, for this instance.
Life is unpredictable. Life is unfair, life is harsh. It never gave me a chance to be left alone. All the time, it reminds me of my failure. There is this side of human that I saw, and be with, that scares me. I will never be the same again. I am cheated on. Just thinking of it, I wanna puke. However, there is no better way than forgiving. So, he is forgived, and I learned.
It wasn't pleasant, it is not.
I start to wonder, why these happened on me? Am I not good enough, am I inferior, but they said, because I am all nice and genuine. How unfair of life can be. In the end, the last word people can say is bad things happen to nice people. Shall I be a devil, that cause the pain, to not feel the pain? How many times will this happen again, tearing me apart and breaking me into pieces, I wonder.
Do I decide to be one of them then? No, I don't. Being like them, will not fill up ny soul, it will only push me further down the pain. I want a bright path, I want a good life.
Walking naked in the sea, I wash away the dirt on me. I cleanse myself, giving it back to the earth. With the splashing rain, its a blessing.
There shall be no rage, no hate, just peace. Heart.Soul.Love.
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